May 29, Fri. - Spock "Ga-Ga" Day

Do your best Vulcan impersonation today. Observe, absorb and contemplate, vs. simply reacting in situations. Wear your "poker face" and be a little mysterious. Everyone doesn't have to see your cards.

May 27, Wed. - "Do it" Day

You've been thinking about it for days or weeks or even months. Today is the day to "do it." Wait no longer. Otherwise known as the "Nike rule."

May 26, Tues. - Celebrate life's minor victories and successes like "Ocho Cinco"

Found a great parking spot? Get out and do the moonwalk. Your document came out of the printer first? Stir up the cabbage patch. Get creative. You don't have to be in the NFL to do a touchdown dance. Have some fun. It's infectious.

May 20, Wed. - Be your own worst enemy

Pretend you're someone who's the complete opposite of you ("bizzaro" you). Now try to get along with "normal" you. How long before you slap yourself?

May 19, Tues. - Control your anger with the "McClain" method

It's Tuesday. Something's going to piss you off today. Probably multiple things. Remember what that guy on the plane in "Die Hard" says to [Bruce Willis]? "...take off your shoes and your socks then walk around on the rug bare foot and make fists with your toes." It doesn't make sense. That's the point. And it won't get you in trouble.

May 18, Mon. - Keep it real

Not "so real" that it goes wrong... But when the joke isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. Conversely, if the joke is funny, and you're drinking milk when you hear it, shoot it through your nose.

May 15, Fri. - KMA Day!

"Kiss My Ass" Day! At some point today you'll have the urge to tell someone to Kiss Your Ass. Let it out. You'll feel better. Really.

May 11, Mon. - Tell the truth about everything today, all day.

Harder than it sounds. Try it.

May 8, Fri. - Do not order the escolar.

Escolar is a delicious buttery, melt in your mouth whitefish... that gives you vicious diarrhea. Now you know. Otherwise known as the "don't make a deal with the devil" rule.

May 7., Thurs. - No talking s**t about anyone else today.

If you have to talk smack about someone; make it yourself.

May 6, Wed. - If you point your finger to send blame away today, pay more attention to your other fingers

When you point a finger at someone else, three fingers point back at you. Odds are you had some hand in creating whatever situation you're in. Besides, didn't your momma tell you it's rude to point?

May 5, Tues. - Replace all verbal uses of the word "interesting;" with "magic donkey tail"

"Interesting" sounds like vaguely intellectual BS--it needs to be explained futher. "Magic donkey tail" ...now that just sounds interesting.

May 4, Mon. - Wish someone Happy Birthday today

Preferably someone in your family or extended network who was actually born today*. Extra points here for phone calls, singing or an actual face to face encounter. the more people you find, the better.

If it's your birthday, go ahead sing to yourself as much as you'd like. out loud.

*can't find anyone? (really?) send early or late wishes to people born this week. still nobody? try this month.

May 3, Sun. - (*)

(*) See Comments, May 2, Sat. "Big Dummy"

May 2, Sat. - No deliberating allowed today

Do whatever comes to mind, or is offered up*, first. It's the weekend, so you won't get too jammed up if the lesson here is to go with your second thought.

*your decisions are made in committee; use rule accordingly