Nov. 10, Tues—Laugh at Yourself

Yes, it's been a while since the last stupid rule. Even dummies need to take a break sometimes. And one of the best lessons to learn when you've retreated into yourself to contemplate life is not to take things so seriously. Including yourself. You could call this the "Joker Rule." Take this Stevie B song for instance. I still like it—that deserves some mockery... and i'm good with that...

Aug. 20, Thurs. - Love One Another

i recently made contact with one of my HS english teachers. in my memory he has become that English Teacher of movie myth, the one that begins to teach lessons of symbolism and understanding, the one that sparks the seed of questioning that leads to greater understanding through investigation. the one that comes to mind years later and makes you think, i'm so glad i was in that class. and i'm reminded now of a powerful thought he put forth back then and sticks to to this day. "love one another*." so simple it's almost stupid to say. so say it to yourself, over and over and over... all day today. then try doing it.

*thanks JL

Aug. 13, Thursday: Solve a simple problem

The one that's been mildly nagging at you, so you've put it off--but you'll have to tend to it eventually. eventually is today. OR, maybe you don't have one of those, pick up the sudoku page in your paper and get going. crosswords work too. challenge yourself (albeit mildly).

Aug. 5 - Wed. - Take a Stand

Maybe you think shirts and shoes shouldn't be required for service. Maybe you think shoelaces are evil and should be replaced with velcro. Maybe you think all Saturdays should be mandatory "commando" days. Stand up for your personal cause. Just keep it stupid.

Aug. 4, Tues. - Make up a new word

Crappy + tacky + ridiculous/fabulous = Craptaculous. A follow up to yesterday's rule, also inspired by a weekend of Rocky movies (specifically installments IV & V) on Spike ...or FX... one of those.

Aug. 3 - Mon - Recognize the hidden gem

Big Dummy spent the weekend watching Rocky movies and realized that amidst the all the greatness and nonsense, one stoic character remained solid, unchanged and true. Tony Burton's "Duke," Apollo's former corner man turned Rocky "go to." Delivering some of the series' greatness lines, like the one here, you gotta recognize. Then take the the next step. "BE" the hidden gem.

July 29, Wed. - Regress

Today's a day for "high fives" and heavy use of the term "jiggy" (or "fresh" or "wicked" or whatever word meant "cool" when you were in high school). Watch Thundercats on youtube, you can find Thundarr the Barbarian there too. Listen to your all your dated music, cuff-roll your jeans... you're getting the picture yeah? All that stupid crap flies today.

July 24, Fri. - Walk, Don't Run

Because if you're late, you're late. Running will make you late, sweaty and out of breath. Or you might trip, land on your hand and break your wrist. Or you'll end up getting mad at the slow people in front of you just strolling around without a care. They seem so happy don't they? Look how slow they're walking. That should be you. Slow down fool.

July 23, Thurs. - Stop Lyin'

Don't pretend to know about stuff you don't actually know about, 'cuz then you start talking, and it's all fiction. Conversely, if you do know something, and you don't say something, that's a lie of omission. (Big Dummy doesn't necessarily mind these - everybody doesn't have to know everything you know... especially if they don't ask. But then, if they do, you should tell the truth. Unless you're in the army.) It's okay to "not know the right answers," so long as you have the capacity to find the right answers. It's not okay to make up fake answers.*

*Unless you have a knack for making up answers that happen to be "right."

July 22, Wed. - Hit something as hard as you can

It's been a while since I've posted a rule. Big Dummy's been busy wurkin' and trying to take vacation and then wurkin while on vacation. I know. So stupid. And so the rule follows. Hit something (not someone) with everything you've got.* It's like when women cry and they say they feel better after but they don't know why. Same thing here, just not as ridiculously fem.

*If you hit a brick wall, (or concrete or metal... you get the idea) you'll break your hand. So don't do that.

June 10, Fri - Figure it out

Today's post will be a little longer than usual, bear with me... There is something you've been avoiding, and it's nagging you. It's making you cranky and frustrated. You try to hide it in your outward behavior, but still, it's there, messing up your decisions and clouding your judgement. It's a task you've put off, a conversation you need to have, a self truth that you haven't embraced. You've been avoiding it. Here's the stupid part. It's something glaringly obvious, yet you might not even know what IT is. Take ten minutes of quiet time today, figure it out, then handle it. You'll be happier. It's Friday. Today should be a happy day.

July 8, Wed. - Boycott ALL Celebrity News

America eats its celebrities. We're responsible for their madness. Our fascination with everything they do enables and empowers them. They are more than human, because we've propped them up that way. And we've even propped up the people that make a living just talking about the things they do. Drop your People Magazine, turn off Entertainment Tonight, navigate away from the Celebuzz website and go pick up a good book. Please.

July 7, Tues. - Take Inspiration from Inspiration

It's been a while since the last rule, so I'll try to make up for it. Here goes: You have a favorite band. You listen to them all the time. Don't listen to them today. Instead, listen to music that inspired your favorite band*, see if you can hear what they did.

*Bonus: Who's that guy? (Hint: he created and inspired a lot of great music)

July 2, Thurs. - George Thorogood Day

That's one bourbon, one scotch AND one beer. Sub in your favorite spirits, and remember, beer is their friend.*

Non-drinkers: Order up a "Safe Sex on the Beach" and hold on to the car keys.

June 26, Fri. — Celebrate the Art

There will be no escaping it today. Michael Jackson was human, and flawed like we all are, and messed up like we all are, and mortal ...like we all are. The music is immortal and will survive us all. What he gave to his art is what we should remember. A celebration of his art IS a celebration of the artist. The music, the moves, the contribution. The rest is simply human. Like we all are. R.I.P MJ

June 25, Thurs. - "Whachu Talkin' 'Bout Willis?" Day

It's such an endearing way to let someone know that you don't know what the hell they're going on about. Undoubtedly you'll need it at some point today. Probably more than once.

June 24, Wed. - Keep Calm and Carry On*

No explanation required.



*Yes, Big Dummy's rules are often inspired by others.

June 23, Tues. - RES FIRMA MITESCERE NESCIT

Translated from latin: "A firm resolve does not know how to weaken." But better known as today's rule: "Once you got it up. Keep it up."(*) The lady says this universe only gives you as much as you can handle. So... you're not overwhelmed, your mettle is being tested. Pass or Fail? Decide.

*Name that movie reference...

June 22, Mon. - Step Lively (Get out of the way)

Specifically with regard to escalators. They're meant to move you faster, they're not an excuse to just stand there. If you ride the subway and get on an escalator, please keep moving, even if it's not your train waiting there in the station. You could probably use the extra cardio anyway.

June 17, Wed. - Say "Thank You"

To everyone. Because you owe gratitude to "someone." Yes, you do.

June 12, Fri. - Alternate Route Day

Take a different route to work than your usual. Already at work? Use different paths to your usual destinations once you're there. Eat lunch "somewhere else" today. Take a different route home. You get the idea. Keep your eyes open and you might discover something.

June 11, Thurs. - Ask well

Because you get what you ask for. Really. You do. Don't even think about stuff you don't want, cuz' that's just a "poor ask." Really, it is.

June 10, Wed. - Keep it movin'

Make every moment productive today. Need to stop and contemplate? Take 5. No more. Be definitive. Get home and skip the TV. Write something. Make something. Create something out of nothing. Remember today as the day you made it happen.

June 8, Tues. - Be good to yourself

"Journey" rule: Be good to yourself. Nobody else will... ok, somebody else could, or might be good to you, sure. But you know how to treat you best. Stop annoying yourself.

June 4, Thurs. - "Pound" a stranger*

Ahh, the "fist-pound." Like the word "dis" in the 80's/90's - the "pound" has grown out of subculture to become ubiquitous. But that doesn't mean it's any less cool. Greet someone new and lessen your chances of catching swine flu, fear not your sweaty palms, make a fist and pound a stranger. It's fun.

*Note: The "pound rule" was suggested by a friend of Big Dummy's, yes stupid rules can come from you too...

June 2, Tues - Set a secret free

Secrets. They seem cool and mysterious and stuff, but all they really do is bog you down. What good are your secrets really doing you? Answer that, then let go of them. I'm not saying you should go confess your deep dark matter to some stranger... or maybe i am.

June 1, Mon. - Help someone today

Someone out there needs your help. A toddler needs his shoe tied before he "face-plants" on the pavement. A homeless man needs change for a cup of coffee or some booze. Someone needs you to talk them out of embracing a bad idea. Today, help at least one person, with no regard for yourself...

May 29, Fri. - Spock "Ga-Ga" Day

Do your best Vulcan impersonation today. Observe, absorb and contemplate, vs. simply reacting in situations. Wear your "poker face" and be a little mysterious. Everyone doesn't have to see your cards.

May 27, Wed. - "Do it" Day

You've been thinking about it for days or weeks or even months. Today is the day to "do it." Wait no longer. Otherwise known as the "Nike rule."

May 26, Tues. - Celebrate life's minor victories and successes like "Ocho Cinco"

Found a great parking spot? Get out and do the moonwalk. Your document came out of the printer first? Stir up the cabbage patch. Get creative. You don't have to be in the NFL to do a touchdown dance. Have some fun. It's infectious.

May 20, Wed. - Be your own worst enemy

Pretend you're someone who's the complete opposite of you ("bizzaro" you). Now try to get along with "normal" you. How long before you slap yourself?

May 19, Tues. - Control your anger with the "McClain" method

It's Tuesday. Something's going to piss you off today. Probably multiple things. Remember what that guy on the plane in "Die Hard" says to [Bruce Willis]? "...take off your shoes and your socks then walk around on the rug bare foot and make fists with your toes." It doesn't make sense. That's the point. And it won't get you in trouble.

May 18, Mon. - Keep it real

Not "so real" that it goes wrong... But when the joke isn't funny, you don't have to laugh. Conversely, if the joke is funny, and you're drinking milk when you hear it, shoot it through your nose.

May 15, Fri. - KMA Day!

"Kiss My Ass" Day! At some point today you'll have the urge to tell someone to Kiss Your Ass. Let it out. You'll feel better. Really.

May 11, Mon. - Tell the truth about everything today, all day.

Harder than it sounds. Try it.

May 8, Fri. - Do not order the escolar.

Escolar is a delicious buttery, melt in your mouth whitefish... that gives you vicious diarrhea. Now you know. Otherwise known as the "don't make a deal with the devil" rule.

May 7., Thurs. - No talking s**t about anyone else today.

If you have to talk smack about someone; make it yourself.

May 6, Wed. - If you point your finger to send blame away today, pay more attention to your other fingers

When you point a finger at someone else, three fingers point back at you. Odds are you had some hand in creating whatever situation you're in. Besides, didn't your momma tell you it's rude to point?

May 5, Tues. - Replace all verbal uses of the word "interesting;" with "magic donkey tail"

"Interesting" sounds like vaguely intellectual BS--it needs to be explained futher. "Magic donkey tail" ...now that just sounds interesting.

May 4, Mon. - Wish someone Happy Birthday today

Preferably someone in your family or extended network who was actually born today*. Extra points here for phone calls, singing or an actual face to face encounter. the more people you find, the better.

If it's your birthday, go ahead sing to yourself as much as you'd like. out loud.

*can't find anyone? (really?) send early or late wishes to people born this week. still nobody? try this month.

May 3, Sun. - (*)

(*) See Comments, May 2, Sat. "Big Dummy"

May 2, Sat. - No deliberating allowed today

Do whatever comes to mind, or is offered up*, first. It's the weekend, so you won't get too jammed up if the lesson here is to go with your second thought.

*your decisions are made in committee; use rule accordingly

May 1, Fri. - Perform everyday tasks with your weak hand today

Drummers, fighters, basketball and lacrosse players already know the deal here. But this isn't about performance. The good it does for your brain is in direct proportion to how stupid you'll feel brushing your teeth. Welcome the stranger tonight.

Apr. 30, Thurs. - Wait an extra second before responding in all your conversations today

It's a pregnant pause. It might seem awkward. It may add some funny (funny-what?)It may also help you listen. It may even make the heavy talkers realize how much they've droned on and beat you over the head with their neverending...